North Korea Totally Super Really For Reals is Serious This Time.

Fort those of you that don't know, North Korea once is once again doing something in a desperate plea for attention to make themselves look very scary and intimidating and not at all flaccid and small a failing state.
A long range rocket is planned for launch in mid April and everyone's very mad and all.

You notice how every so often this happens?  North Korea does some(admittedly rather ridiculous) posturing on the international stage and everyone seems to think it's only a matter of time until they kick off WWIII?  Why is it that after all these years people seem to still not understand how this whole thing always plays out?  Surely you understand what North Korea is doing, right?

They're running an international protection racket.  It's exactly the same strategy as mobsters who ask for money to make sure a business doesn't accidentally get burned down.  You see, military toys are about all North Korea has going for it.  Apart from that, they're starving to death as a country.  They absolutely need food aid from other countries, or they will simply fall apart.  They don't really have a way of getting that except doing what they're doing, which is scaring everybody into thinking they might go crazy and start bombing people every so often and then getting food aid paid to them in exchange for not attacking anyone.

And you know what?  They won't do it.  A full on war would be bad for everyone, but worst for them.  Because that would put an end to all of the aid they get, except maybe from China.  And even China would probably start backing away from them, like that crazy alcoholic uncle you don't want anyone to know is related to you.

And everyone is just playing into their game, too.  Like a whiny kid who learns after awhile that being enough of a brat can get you whatever you want, North Korea has learned that being the crazy dude everyone is afraid might cut them totally works.

This is one of the reasons men suck at running the world.  I should be in charge of the world; I'd do a much better job.  I'd be Supreme Empress Lucia the Amazing, and I'd force Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump to wear clown suits all day and amuse me in my imperial court.  If they failed to amuse me, they'd get set on fire(because that would amuse me very much).

I'd make Asthon Kutcher an Astronaut, so he could make the first manned expedition into a black hole.
I'd fix healthcare a million times better than Obama could.  I'd fix the shit out of healthcare so hard healthcare wouldn't know what hit it.

Story linked below, on some site I've never heard of called CNN.  I think they sell plush toys or something.
 http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/30/world/asia/japan-north-korea-rocket/index.html?hpt=wo_bn4

This is a Rook.  A Rook is the most badass and hardcore animal there is.  A Rook will totally eat your spouse and burn down your house and drink the sweet nectar of your tears and laugh about it.  A Rook is a kind of crow, but far more awesome.

A Rook can totally take Chuck Norris.
A Rook uses those black eyes to stare into your soul.
A Rook knows how to call the Old Ones into our realm, and he totally just might.
A Rook can fly.  You cannot. Ha Ha.
A Rook can explode Keanu Reeves's head anytime it wants; it just hasn't felt like it yet.
A Rook is much smarter than your honor student kid, and also a better dancer.
A Rook laughs in the face of the Mayan Apocalypse.
A Rook extorts money from Santa Clause, and if Santa knows what's good for him he'll pay up.
A Rook invented Roulette, just for the hell of it.
A Rook has seen the inside of a black hole and lived to tell about it.
A Rook knows what happened to Jimmy Hoffa, but he's not telling you.
A Rook sees your dreams.  And grows stronger from them.
Do not mess with The Mighty Rook.

"We shall meet again in Petersburg, as though there we had buried the sun."  Mandelstam said that.  No idea what he was talking about.  Personally if I was going to bury the sun, I can think of a dozen better places to do it than in Petersburg.  Maybe Las Vegas.  Or you could chop it into pieces and bury each bit of the sun in a different city.  That'd be wild.
Of course, I totally realize that you can't bury the sun on Earth, which is why when I finish my plan to get rid of the sun(didn't say if) I've come up with a much better idea than burying it.  Huck it into a black hole, that'll learn it to give me a sunburn and make my eyes hurt with glare from the snow.  Stupid ball of burning nuclear fire thinks it can push me around; I'll show it.