Better ways to decide an election.

Face it, the U.S. political system is broken.  We haven't had a good president in forever, and it's always the same old stream of shit no matter which party is in power.  They say insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  Well, clearly if we want a different result, we have to do something different, so I say we scrap the election system that has failed us and look for another way to decide who gets to kick it in the white house for the next four years.  Here are some ideas:

1)Judo Fight with Vladimir Putin:  For those of you that don't know, Russian Boss man Vladimir Putin(who, like most Russian things, is infinitely badass) is a judo expert.  I propose that Obama and Romney should both be put in a one on one Judo match with Putin.  Obviously neither one will win, but the big job goes to whoever gets their ass kicked the least.

Probable winner: Hard to say, they'd both get banged up pretty bad.  This one is kind of on Putin, since he would have the option of going easy on which ever one he wanted to be in charge of America.

2) Staring Contest.  Self-explanatory.  Obama and Romney have a staring contest.  Brilliant in its simplicity.

Probable winner: Romney.  Everyone knows mormons don't blink.

3)  Hunger Games:  Obama and Romney are turned loose in a stretch of forest, only one can come out alive.  Not only is this one far more entertaining than the traditional election, but in it's way its actually a better judge of real worthiness as a leader.  With this one, we KNOW that the successful candidate has resourcefulness, determination, and intelligence.  Really all an election proves is who has the best PR people.

Probably Winner:  Also difficult to call.  Since both are spoiled little rich kids, there is every chance that they'd both end up curling up in the fetal position and crying until we called it a draw.

4) Have No President.  That's right, because we don't need no fucking president.  We're America, dammit, and we're too awesome to have a leader.   Leadership is for weak, incompetent nations that need to be told what to do.  Not us.  We're stronger than leadership, stronger than elections.  Strong enough to break this damn table in half if we've a mind to.  Wanna see?  Maybe in France or whatever they need some pansy-ass president, but American can totally bite a bald eagle's head clean the fuck off and run its own damn life.  Get me?